Hello sober friends,
I haven’t posted in a long time because I have felt extremely content with my sober life! Although not posting, I am still reading all of your beautiful words and they give me encouragement. I am on day 352… almost one year sober and I CANNOT believe it has been a year without booze!! I have settled into a place of normalcy where I no longer crave alcohol, the experience, or all of the mayhem that comes with it. My husband has remained sober with me as well and last week one of his friends asked him how he felt about not drinking anymore, he replied, “It’s the best thing I have ever done”! We have enjoyed several sober vacations, we have both lost weight (and kept it off), and most of all our marriage has continued to grow in a beautiful way.
Rarely do I even think about wine or my former life however I am reaching out to all of you today due to a recent interaction with my family. A few weeks ago we were cleaning out the basement and we stumbled upon our old wine collection. To be honest we never threw it out because I never knew how permanent this decision would be and shortly after we just forgot about it. There are maybe 10 bottles that we had collected from special occasions in our life. Our wedding, honeymoon, vacations, etc and they all have meaning to us. I had mentioned to my dad that I had some wine that he could use and or give away as gifts if he wanted, but nothing ever came of it. This past week my dad had asked me for the wine but my husband had realized that he wrote on most of them with special dates/where they were from so I told my dad it probably wouldn’t work out. Yesterday I was on the phone with my mom and she asked me about the wine as well, I told her the same thing I had told my dad. When I got off the phone I cried for several minutes. I don’t feel ready to give the bottles away. Yes I am sober and no I don’t plan on drinking but I feel emotionally attached to them and the memories they carry for me. I wept for a while and then got mad at myself for feeling this way. Why can’t I let go of them? I don’t want anyone else to have them and I don’t know why. After the conversation with my mom I felt the loss all over again. I wanted to be normal, I wished I could drink them myself; I wished that I wasn’t in this fucking place to begin with. I haven’t felt like this for months and months so I wasn’t sure why it was hitting me so hard over something so silly. Does this mean in my subconscious I want to drink again? I am confused by my own reaction. Nonetheless I pulled myself together and had a nice evening. I didn’t let it ruin my night or my attitude and I am still so grateful for my sobriety and health! I would love to hear someone else’s thoughts on this and thoughts on what I should do! I so appreciate all of you and thanks for reading!!